Here Without You
by C.Queen
Summary: Upset over Rin Haru gets advice from the last person he'd ever expect it from. But what could Kureno possibly know about heartbreak? RinxHaru and KurenoxArisa


Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the plot ideas. Thanks for reading and please take the time to review.

Here Without You

A hundred days had made me older  
since the last time that I've saw you're pretty face  
A thousand lights had made me colder

and I don't think I can look at this the same

* * *

Haru certainly didn't want company as he walked along the path. He wasn't Black yet but it wouldn't be hard to reach that level if one person so much as looked at him wrong. He didn't even know where exactly on the Sohma compound he was, the red haze in front of his eyes being in the way as it was. Damn it. Damn her. He wanted to punch something, he wanted to kill something. He wanted to leave this place and never come back. Never see Rin's face ever again. Forget about her all together. The way she pretended to have forgotten all about him. Everything they'd shared in their secret, stolen moments. To her it was like they'd never existed, Haru thought bitterly, his feet moving off the tiled rock and onto the slightly damp grass. Eyes on the grass he continued along, barely missing hitting a tree. Having seen it at the last possible second Haru stopped, lifting his head to stare at the willow in front of him. Its long, graceful branches were blowing in the faint breeze, a picture of serenity and elegant beauty. For some reason that just made him even angrier. Drawing back a fist he was swinging it before he even knew his intention. Connecting painfully with the solid trunk Haru barely felt it, intent now on taking ever bit of pain and frustration out on this immovable object. The obstacle in his path. He couldn't say how long he kept punching, only that it took a strong pair of arms wrapping around him, forcing his arms to his sides that woke him out of it. Struggling in this iron grasp Haru finally wiggled free and whirling around to face his intruder stared in surprise at the familiar but still largely unknown figure of his cousin Kureno. "What the f#kin hell do you want?" Haru snarled, his dark eyes flashing furiously.

"You'll hurt yourself if you keep that up." Kureno said carefully, watching his young cousin wearily. He'd never seen Haru go black before but he'd heard the stories. "Whatever's wrong... unsuccessfully beating up the tree and damaging your hands isn't going to solve it."

"What the hell would you know? You don't even know what a life is, much less have one. You live in your nice little cage and sing whatever damn tune Akito wants you to play. If you lived in the real world like everyone else you'd know that beating the shit out of something is a great way to relieve tension." Haru sneered sarcastically, ignoring the pain coursing up his arms.

"Even a bird in a cage hits the rails once in a while." Kureno pointed out coolly, not surprised at Haru's words at all. He knew how his cousins viewed him. He was Akito's lap dog, his pet, his never complaining loyal slave. At least loyal in actions.

"So tell me, whatever happened in your boring, Akito filled days that makes you think you have any idea what I'm going through right now?" Haru demanded to know.

"You're hurting over Rin, the way you have for months. I can understand that, more then you know."

* * *

**  
**But all the miles had separate  
They disappear now

when I'm dreaming of your face..

* * *

"And why would you understand that? How can you?" Haru responded, moving forward lightening quick to push Kureno back a step though the older man remained on his feet. "How could you know what it is to love someone? To love someone so that it feels like your heart's been torn out from your chest and handed to you when she won't even look at you anymore. When she goes out of her way to degrade and ignore you? To have her act like you meant nothing, that your time together was nothing? How can you even dare to say you know?" Beyond caring that this would likely all be reported back to Akito Haru was too blinded by his own pain, his need to express it to care that he'd picked the second worse person to say it to.

"I know what it is to love someone and not be able to see that person. To not have the ability or even the right to try and see her. To not even be able to speak her name for fear of who's ears might hear. Like you said, I'm a bird in a cage. A rooster with clipped wings." Kureno said humorlessly. "But just because I let those wings be clipped..doesn't mean I don't wish to fly sometimes too."

"Akito never lets you out of his sight..so how...?"

"Even Akito can't watch me twenty four seven, Haru. While he might control my body, my life and my future..that doesn't mean there aren't parts of me that even he can't touch or rule over. I may not have seen her in months but that doesn't mean my feelings have faded. Just as your feelings for Rin are still strong, despite everything that's happened. That is the way of the heart."

* * *

I'm here without you, baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you, baby  
and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you, baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me

* * *

"How would you know about Rin and I?" Haru demanded to know, his mind going into overdrive trying to think of who Kureno could be talking about. One of the women that helped care for Akito perhaps? There was no way Akito could know either. They would have all heard about it. Or Kureno could just be lying, gathering information for his Master. And yet, somehow, he didn't think so.

"Because of how angry it made Akito. He hates for any of you to be happy. To find someone who knows how to love the right way instead of his twisted version of it." Kureno said softly, without emotion. "He knows his sort of love is no match for the love someone like Tohru gives to you and the rest of our cousins. The way a person is supposed to love another. With the unselfish desire to make them happy and feel special. Akito can't understand that, even as he craves it."

"Is he..is he planning to hurt her? Hurt Tohru?" Concern and worry plain on his face Haru forgot for a moment about what they were discussing in light of the idea that Tohru might be in danger. She was too important, too necessary for them all to lose her now. He didn't think they'd survive without her with them to give them the strength to go on.

"He wants to play with Yuki and Kyo more. I would imagine he'll get to her eventually though. Especially when he realizes that Kyo is in love with her." Was the calm response from the as usual, unruffled rooster. "One can only hide ones feelings for so long. I imagine I'll be found out eventually too, one of these days. Our family head is remarkably good at finding out the things we least want him to know. Isn't he?"

"Oh yeah, he does whatever he can to make our lives his perfect little hell. I've never seen you complain about it either."

"You never see me period."

* * *

The miles just keep rolling  
as the people either way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
but I hope that it gets better as we go

* * *

Well it was hard to argue with that. Up until recently he'd pretty much never seen Kureno except at New Years. Occasionally from the shadows other times but as a whole he couldn't remember ever having a conversation with the guy. He didn't even know how old he was or his birthday for Christ sakes. At least as old as Hatori and the others but he'd never heard any of that trio talk about Kureno as having been a playmate of theirs, even as children. "What's her name?"

"Arisa." Kureno answered, silently waiting to see if Haru would make the connection, doubtful since the truth was so unbelievable in too may ways to count.

"I have a friend with that name." Haru said absently, having no idea they were talking about the same person. Would have been blown over to know that his trash talking, bad tempered Yankee of a friend had caught the attention of the quiet, controlled Kureno. "I won't tell anyone." Haru added after a moment of silence.

"If I thought you would, I wouldn't have told you." Was the simple response. "But unlike myself you still have a chance with your lady, if you have the courage and drive to go for what you want and fight for it. If you can call Rin a lady." He added, his lip twitching slightly as though to smile. Really smile.

"He won't allow it, either of us. Why say something like that when you know there isn't any hope?" Haru cursed, getting angry again that the bastard would make it sound so easy. Like he just didn't want Rin bad enough. He'd fought, damn it. He'd fought and lost too many times to count.

"As soon as you stop trying he's won. Better to go down fighting then to just give up and give him his way. The greatest weapon any of you have against him is happiness. That's what he wants most but can't hope to find the way he is now. Right now he can't even acknowledge that its a lacking in him rather then in all of you. He can only damage and destroy your love if you let him."

* * *

I'm here without you, baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you, baby  
and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you, baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me

* * *

"You've stopped though. If you ever even tried to fight for her." Haru pointed out, calming down but still visibly angry, especially with Kureno for having a point. More so because Kureno had obviously never practiced what he was preaching.

"She's still young and strong enough to move on. Like you said I'm Akito's pet, one who's not even allowed to speak to my own flesh and blood without his permission. You know he doesn't allow you all near me, Hatori and Shigure are the only ones I see and even then I can't even try to talk to them for fear of what he'd do. If he's like that, not even allowing me to have friends then what would he do if I tried to be with her? You at least can see Rin, speak to her. If I were to do the same he would hurt her badly, if not kill her in his jealousy. It's because I love her that I stay away."

"Does she even know why?" Haru wanted to know, thinking of his own pain over not being able to understand how things had gone so bad between him and Rin. He'd thought everything was perfect and then wham, it had all been over.

"If she knew why she'd come here and she'd try to change things that can't be changed. At least not until you all succeed in getting out from under Akito's thumb."

"You're under his thumb too ya know."

"True, but I chose to be. The rest of you can't say the same. Now can you?"

* * *

Everything I know,  
and anywhere I go  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls,  
when it's all said and done  
it get hard but it won't take away my love

* * *

"Why would anyone chose to be with that monster?" Was Haru's passionate reply, looking at Kureno in bewilderment as he tried to understand. "Because that's what he is, you know. A cold blooded monster who places the blame for every mistake he's ever made on somebody else. Does he even realize we're all waiting for him to die? That when he does we'll throw a party in front of his grave and dance until dawn. No one here loves him or even cares about him. We only stay here because we're all afraid of him. Of what he can and will do to us if we step out of line."

"I care."

"But why do you care? Why are you throwing away your life like this? Why is it you stay with him? You should be the one who wants to get away from him the most!"

"Emotions have always been the hardest thing in this world to control. We don't pick the people we love. I can hate what he does without hating him. But really, I can't explain it myself because you're right, I should." Kureno acknowledged with a weary smile as he turned his head to look up at the sky for a moment before looking back at Haru. "I have to be going...but before I do...there's just one last thing I think you need to hear."

"And what's that?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe the reason Rin is staying away from you...is the same reason I stay away from Arisa?" Turning without bothering to see Haru's reaction Kureno walked away, hands sliding into his pockets. Where Haru went from now was up to him. He'd done what he could. Fingers wrapping around a single earring stud, he smiled slightly. He carried with him where ever he went. When he'd returned to the restaurant after leaving Arisa to apologize for the scene they'd made the waitress had handed him that earring, saying she'd noticed it laying on Arisa's seat. He'd carried it ever since and treasured it more then any other possession he had. Knowing that he was protecting her by staying away was enough. And at least he could still see her, even if it was only in his dreams.

* * *

I'm here without you baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me


End file.
